flirting as flow state | a moodboard essay
Right Now | Oct 2024
I’m a flirt.
I love to flatter, hold eye contact, woo strangers as an extreme sport etc.
But in a more spiritual sense.
My philosophy is: Never keep a good thought to yourself.
It doesn’t matter if you’re the 80-year-old woman in my gym changeroom, towel-wrapped, who doesn’t speak a word of English - I’ll tell you your necklace is gorgeous with full sincerity.
It’s a form of flirting that feels profoundly healthy.
I’m 3/4 through the Unbearable Lightness of Being where flirting is defined as “a promise of sexual intercourse without a guarantee” - a definition that feels narrow to me (and def written by a man lol).
The definition resurfaced when I introduced myself at RADAR (a futurist community) as someone who “has been flirting with futurism for the last year.” I spiralled into another conversation with the brilliant Matilda Ruck, who explained “flirting as a flow state, a skill - not something simply reserved for romance, but a mindset we apply to everyday life. Flirty cooking, flirty travel, flirty work.”
I love when someone crisply articulates a murky idea fermenting in my brain.
Matilda reminded me that flirting requires being fundamentally present and curious about our subject. It’s about approaching life with affection, and without attachment to the outcome. It’s all play, possibility, and spontaneity. It’s that delusional confidence and drunken positivity feeling I get when I “leave no good thought left unsaid.”
And it can kinda be applied to anything.
In the RADAR Discord, we started imagining products and services that could help bring more flirtatious/playful moments into everyday life.
“What if a workday was designed to feel suggestive rather than efficient?”
“Or if restaurants were designed for mingling over intimacy?”
Obviously, I have to acknowledge being a “flirt” is often used as a negative slur, implying manipulation/coercion/dishonesty etc.
And it’s not entirely wrong - but I think it’s time to expand the definition of flirting as a means of connection, through curiosity and play - rather than sexual persuasion.
My takeaway is that the essence of flirting is so human and healthy. And in our polycrisis reality, it might be a sexy little remedy.
Let me put it this way. Anxiety around flirting is one of the biggest challenges in dating. And most likely our lil loneliness epidemic too. It’s inherently uncertain and spontaneous. We don’t know how to flirt because we’re in a fear-based, outcome-oriented culture. Flirting requires courage! Flirting is about the journey! Not the destination! And definitely not the ROI!
I think this subway take presents a very real cultural conversation right now - about the tension around our collective yearning vs. collective anxiety.
Tiktok failed to load.Enable 3rd party cookies or use another browser
We chatted in the discord about how flirting could be seen as “a muscle that we build to strengthen our confidence, our risk tolerance, our relationships and our capacity to create new ones.” What if we captured this essence and applied it to our opinions? Hobbies? City planning?!?
Imagine! A city built in the essence of flirtation! Beautiful paths that lead to nowhere, sidewalks that promote care, and corners for kissing. Spaces optimized for the journey instead of the destination.
The RADAR community helped me get imaginative about a world where a “flirt mindset” thrusts us into a more curious, playful and connected culture.
I know it feels idealistic. My dad is definitely shaking his head reading this because he can immediately list 4 zoning laws that would make it impossible (hi dad).
Buuuut it’s a future I’m having a lot of fun flirting with right now:)
If you’d like to get deeper into this type of thinking, RADAR is hosting LoveFest on Nov 14 - a day-long exploration into the ~Future of Love~
It’s going to be so good.
Also follow Matilda Ruck, Caitlin Keeley and Keely Adler. Their brains are wildly sexy.
And tell me your thoughts! Flirt in the comment section! I am insatiable this month! <3
Here’s what else I’ve been up to in October.
Labouring
🕊️Out of my comfort zone - Took on a long-term writing project that has me nervous but also soo grateful to indulge in side quests. A freelancing perk that keeps me profoundly sharp.
🎢The Pipeline - Wrapped a personal branding project. I’m seeing A LOT of these proposals come across my desk lately - taking it as a signal of how millennials and Gen-Z are increasingly detaching their identity from their companies and job titles. “Portfolio Career” still in the running for top 2025 buzzword.
- drops insights fresh and hot re: performative friendship, digital etiquette and why we can’t leave group chats!!
A graph I’ve been thinking about a lot ⬇️ ⬇️ ⬇️
Leisuring
Celebrated a special anniversary in Girona - sleeping, eating and loving to my heart’s content *adds bedroom fireplace to vision board*
Make bad art - Last month I wrote about art being cathartic after watching Sing Sing. It allows you to access parts of your humanity that no other medium can. This manifesto feels like it landed in my orbit right on time.
Toronto - I’m headed to my city next month and eager to do STUFF. What events should I check out? Looking forward to the smell of snow and Nonna’s pasta fagioli🍝❤️
I know how many internet distractions you’re dealing with today so I love you for making it here. I hope you feel smarter and sexier for it <3
stay flirty,
Ari
So when are you launching a course in Flirting?? “How to flirt without sexual persuasion”
thank you for being my personal flirt coach—might just do something wild and put these tips to the test 😘